Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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