Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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