My room smells like vodka and shame
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
