just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
