Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
