Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
