She said her name was "party"
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
