Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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