I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we're making bets on your personal life
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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