You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
