She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
