Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
