Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
