I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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