Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
