"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
