i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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