im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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