She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
