i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
