just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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