K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drunk is not a location!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
