Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
