apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
