I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
