Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
