mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
