Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
