im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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