Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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