dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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