dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
