you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize