It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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