If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
