Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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