We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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