Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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