spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.