You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
