Grow some girl-balls and come out already
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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