it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
