We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
