WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
