omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
