Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
