yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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