Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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