Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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