My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
