got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
