I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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