Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
