On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
