So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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