ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
