you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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