i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
