You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
