i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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