If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
