I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
