I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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