i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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