singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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