like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
