You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
