I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
