I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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