I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
