This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Four minutes until I can fart!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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