Don't make out with my wife yet
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
