At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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