i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
