dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
